Broken and reborn by the ocean.
And how I use that briny spray to create lasting MAGIC moments.
Dread and despair hit me as I was walking up the white hot sand to Siesta Key beach.
One of my most joyous experiences (a gulf dip in Spring) was a few steps away, and I wasn’t feeling the usual thrill. What was happening to me?
This was the year before last. I’d spent the week before mired in screens and busywork. I was pushing to market a product, and it took every waking hour. (I had not yet committed to balance).
So, to go from that state, that ‘digi-human’ state, into one of the visceral warm ocean of being… well, that was quite a leap.
I resolved then to seek balance.
The first time I realize how pernicious screen life was (for me), I was in a Vipassana retreat in 2013. Three days in, I reached for my phone. Right when I was approaching a difficult realization, which went something like this:
every problem I’ve ever had, I created it.
Alright alright. Let’s not get melodramatic. But there is a difference between a thought and a visceral realization, and this was the latter. It threw me into convulsive sobs. The sort which ‘self-help’ people get addicted to. (More on that trap later). I also had clairvoyant powers that I didn’t have while under the influence screens and scattered attention). (Though of course the 10 days of silent meditation played a role).
Now, clients who suffered intense childhood trauma are not always thrilled when I bring up this frame of mind. You did it to yourself. Because that is partial and by no means WHOLE truth. And we’re all about whole truth here.
However, rest assured that I apply whatever I bring up to myself, insofar as I can.
Anyway, the ocean for me is always a re-calibration tool. Notice how I am creating meaning here.
You might see the ocean as a brutal man-slayer, a nest of sharks, a desert of salty waste, etc. You might see it a the origin of life, a surging intelligence, the great equalizer, or mother.
Anyway, when I broke my neck in the ocean, I GRADUALLY began to change her meaning for me. Because I DECIDED that that life event had been a blessing. It pulled me a way from a life of ruin and waste like nothing else could.
Divinely orchestrated.
For a while, that blow (to the head) was my wake up call. Now the ocean is something different: it is a source of joy, life, aliveness. While also containing that crushing blow and millions of others, the bones of sailors and victims, plumes of sewage, jagged shark teeth, what have you.
So, when I walk out into the ocean, my most joyous moment (having grown up in a desert), I instantly can tell how close or how far away life is.
Last week I spent the week in Florida, and I primed myself for the adventure. I eschewed screens as much as I could for the week before.
Remember my Vipassana, reaching for the iphone three days in. That’s how long it took to come back to life! By this definition, I am almost NEVER alive.
After that, I heard ants crawling across trees, and more tears flowed. The thing about visceral realizations (LOA™ - Layer of Awakening) is that they’re completely natural and also surreal. Somehow, they CAN be both.
So I could feel the water upon my skin, I could feel the discomfort of the cold, the heat of the sun, the dizzying stimuli, half-naked bodies scattered upon the sand… and I was fully there. I could feel the ache in my bones, sore muscles, a runny nose… and everything rolled together into this picture of life. Or this one blessed sunny day.
When I die, I want to have as few regrets as possible. So that’s what I reverse engineer as I build my life. Less dead moments, more living moments.
Years ago, on a beach actually, with a few of my ‘hippie’ friends (one a runaway who refused to wear shoes, and another who got chased off of his cannabis farm by an armed band of thugs), I caught the sunlight as we were driving away… and I realized that it was a happy day.
I had a woman threatening suicide, a few months rent to be paid, but I lived on a yoga farm where the phone didn’t work. (Which has since burned down).
I realized that these blissful days could crowd out suffering, and since then I’ve been trying to formulate what these moments might include.
I call these ideal moments MAGIC moments, and M.A.G.I.C. is an acronym.
Memorable: Moments that leave a lasting impression and can be cherished over time.
Authentic: Genuine experiences that are true to one's self and values.
Gratifying: Pleasurable or satisfying experiences that bring joy or fulfillment.
Inspiring: Moments that motivate, encourage, or influence positively.
Connected: Experiences that foster a sense of connection, whether to people, nature, or oneself.
And I believe that setting digital tools aside for any length of time gives birth to more and more of these moments.
I believe that clearing childhood trauma gives birth to these moments.
I believe that courage and vitality make these moments easier to attain. (Both of those are seeds in my Bloom Model, btw).
And I believe that dedicated re-training of the mind (from sorrow to bliss) gives birth to these moments.
Note, I was focused on wounds (fracture) and I filled a few human needs to reach a much preferred state (rapture). [This passage is what my work is about almost entirely… moving From Fracture to Rapture™.
So there we are last week…
It gets more and more ‘esoteric’, but moments like these ‘last forever’ somewhere, even though by their very nature, they are very ephemeral. That’s the beauty: they’re experiences of the SOUL (rather than just the body or just the mind).
Note that most ‘digital’ moments are not, by definition MAGIC. And yet, most of us are destined to spend a significant amount of time there.
Who dares to create a life centered around ALIVENESS?
Love and rapture,
Steven Budden Jr.
Budden | An existential detective agency.
PS. I’m gathering a small group of people that are committed to more magic moments. If you think that it might be you, send me a message.